butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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