Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
