Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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