So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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