Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
