the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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