Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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