I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
