Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
