then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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