haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
a search helicopter?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How external is "for external use only"?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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