16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
