i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she peed on how many people?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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