I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
