you lied. pity sex is amazing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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