you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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