My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
