remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
