He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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