I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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