u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
