sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
