Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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