I'm so fucking centered right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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