neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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