Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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