I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
