Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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