at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
