For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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