I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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