Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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