The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
