there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
