Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
