sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
