i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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