why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
