She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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