Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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