I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
