we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
