Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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