i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
