Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
