I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
