Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
