Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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