Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
