He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
