maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you didnt know i had herpes?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
