so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he thought i was a dude.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
