I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
