Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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