i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
