we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
