Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
