What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
