he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
