..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
