she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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