Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
