I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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