Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
