Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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