Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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