good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
