I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
