Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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