Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
