Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sext me about skeletons
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
