Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize