Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm passing your future prison.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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