none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
