Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
