my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
