i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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