Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I puked a lego.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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