Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
