Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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