I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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